Back to School

by Sharon Leukert

It’s been said that if you keep studying and learning new things, it keeps your brain younger and active and is beneficial to your overall health. If you’re done with math and science I have a suggestion: get a degree in your spouse.

There is this phenomenon that we believe understanding our mate is seeing how we can relate to them in order that we can change them to be like us. Wrong! True understanding is becoming a student of your spouse and applying that knowledge – hold on to your seat – to your life.

So you found out your wife is a neat freak extraordinaire. Don’t buy her books about how she is OCD. Pick up after yourself. You are demonstrating that you understand your wife and are showing your love. Does your husband do everything by a list? Put away the certificate you got for that class on spontaneity and send him a list of things that are important to you. He’ll see it as his marching orders and it is something he understands – a list!

Time marches across all of our hearts, preferences and ideals. That means that your spouse may have made some modifications over the past 12 years. This is the reason studying your spouse is a lifelong quest. Never stop learning about your spouse. It keeps your brain younger and active and is beneficial to your overall marriage.

Affectionately Yours

by Sharon Leukert

I’ve got an insider’s tip for you: someone has been going around selling a faulty idea. When they come your way – RUN! The idea that is destined to bring misery and failure into your marriage? The lie that affection stops after you say I Do, or at least after the honeymoon is over.

Remember when you were dating your spouse and just a slight grazing of the hands made you tingle? What about the first time he put his arm around you publicly so everyone knew you were “a couple?” Remember the first time she wanted to hold your hand. That affection helped to fuel your relationship. Guess what? It still does!

Now we know that some folks are a little more reserved than others. If you’re the more private type, fine, but make sure you are showing affection in the home at least. Make sure you have to brush past his arm as you reach for the canister on top of the fridge. Make sure you reach for her dangling fingers at times, and go for one of those delightful strolls hand in hand. Say the words you know your spouse wants to hear. Go all out in your efforts to get that full smile that attracted you years before.

Keep affection in your marriage and keep the flames fanned!

Can’t Buy Me Love

by Sharon Leukert

Most of us have heard this at least once in our lives: you can’t buy love. While this is true, you can plan for (think invest) in peace of mind. But what does this have to do with marriage? Let me break it down for you.

Some husbands express their love for their wives in purchasing them gifts. From flowers and cards to yachts and jewels, nothing expresses their love better than a gift. But if the wife senses that the $350 all day spa package you snagged on a good deal for her will get in the way of making the car payment – she’s not going to be 100% happy about the spa package.

Wives love security. They usually like the gifts too, but they first want to make sure that all bills will get paid and there will be food on the table. Budget is a word that strikes fear into many hearts, but when spouses communicate and work together in the area of economy in their marriage – it strengthens their bond.

Putting it in the most basic cause and effect: a wife that is always nervous about the mortgage payment is a distracted lover at best.

Sex Makes You Stupid?

by Sharon Leukert

Do you believe that? Do you believe that sex makes you stupid? Well, it depends on which side you’re looking at it from. If you’re single and making the circuits then yes, sex makes you stupid. Hear me out, I’m not downing single people here. Love them. Not making a moral judgment here about sex before marriage, although I could, but it’s a simple physiological reality. Sex blinds you to the faults of your partner. Proven fact. This is why single without commitment (think wedding vows) ends up in a lot of broken hearts. Girls are giving it all to a guy thinking he’s the one and they can’t see what a jerk he is because sex covers up faults.

Looking at it from the side of a passionate unashamed marriage, sex is the glue that helps keep you together. Why? Because it does what God intended it to – minimize your spouse’s faults.

You have the commitment. You have the assurance of not being abandoned and now you have the sex (yes, you should and regularly) that helps to minimize the faults and flaws that we all have because we are all human.

So if you’re single and getting your heart broken every time things don’t pan out with your latest flame, then yes, sex makes you stupid. But if you’re married and it minimizes your faults, sex holds you together. Don’t believe me? Just try having an argument with your spouse – both of you naked.

Everything and Nothing

by Sharon Leukert

Opening a gift means a lot more when the giver watches you with excitement. They know what they got for you and are just as excited to see you open it as you are to discover the treasure inside. Contrast this with a gift flung across a table by a disinterested giver. Truthfully the only reason you got the gift was because of some sense of obligation. They don’t even watch you open the gift, already moving on to their next project, glad to get their annoying little “duty” out of the way.

Which gift do you want to open?

What if marriage, and all it entails is a gift? Are you merely fulfilling a duty, or are you active and excited in your marriage? Do you fling obligations across the table to your spouse or are you able to share everything with them – without any hesitation?

Either way, you still get the gift, right? But one you enjoy a whole lot more! That’s an Unashamed Marriage! Where spouses are safe to share everything with each other and fear nothing from each other. Total trust. Total companionship. Total mental, spiritual and physical connection – with nothing to be ashamed of.

Welcome to the journey toward an Unashamed Marriage.